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The Gift of Tree-Speak

tree removalIt’s no surprise that people don’t understand my line of work, Joanne. After all, most people don’t talk to trees. Or rather, none of them do it very well. I was born in the conservatory of my family mansion, out in the picturesque grounds. Although I have cast off the material world, I retain my connection to nature. That’s why I got a job with a firm doing tree removal in Oakleigh, for a time at least. I was the secretary, and though my job was mostly signing for postal items and taking calls from people asking for their trees to be cut down, I also tried to use my unique skills to help in the real job.

The tree removal guys would bring the trees back, and I would listen to them as they were dying. Sometimes it was justified, because it was simply time for that tree to go. Other times I would have to sadly inform the team that they had cut down a tree who did not think that it was time, and that they had made the Earth Mother sad indeed. They might tell me something in defense, like how the tree was in danger of crushing a dog’s kennel, or that it was dangerous slanted after a storm, but I knew the truth. Nothing was more important than this tree’s life.

I left the industry after a while due to intense sadness on my part. The sadness was great indeed, but I feel like I had made the world a better place in my own, quiet way. The team grew to respect my critiquing, deep down, I feel. Now I wonder…was it enough? Is there a tree removal place in Melbourne somewhere that requires my gift and empathy? Or are there other ways to help the Earth…?

All these squares make a circle. Take two and call the rainbow goddess in the morning, for that is the path to productivity, and the perfect praline glaze cake. – Joanne

A Conflict of Trees

tree wndowIf ever I was in need of mystic advice, it would be now. I was raised as a proud nature lover, and we bore the name ‘hippy’ with pride. It meant that we were hip, probably, but we also were totally up with the dealings of nature and all that. Our family was a little bit more in tune with the big Mother Nature than the rest of the hippy families, in fact.

I might have drifted a bit in my adult years, but I still fight for what’s…right, y’know? Like those tree felling places in Melbourne that up until recently I thought were killing the planet. Sometimes I’d make a picket, not out of wood because that’s evil, and just go and protest their actions. I was all alone, but it didn’t matter to me. I was ending a menace. I was in a menace-ending mood.

Then everything changed. I started working in an office, and I realised how important paper was. We’d always just scribbled on bits of bark at home, but that just wouldn’t cut it in this high-flying corporate world. What’s more, we had a prolonged incident involving a tree that kept banging against the window. Trimming didn’t help, as it grew back very quickly, and it was very tough and dangerous to get to. The noise made it so hard to concentrate…so the very Melbourne tree lopping people I thought I hated came and took this awful distraction away.

Now I don’t know what to think. Are trees truly our friends? If they’re endangered, why are there so many around? I’m left with questions that my upbringing simply cannot answer.

Know your limits: a chamomile tea each day can help digestion, but more than two will cause conflict with your tastebuds. The loneliest number is the number one, with the sole exception of 10 because it’s such an empty friendship- Joanne

Tree lopping seems like an interesting profession

tree lopping BrisbaneI like to sleep in. I like to sleep in a lot. I spend more time sleeping than I do awake and I’m quite happy about it. I spend most of the day sleeping and then come out at night like a nocturnal animal. I like the quiet of 4am, when everyone else is asleep it feels like I have the world to myself. I sit up and watch late night tv because I can’t sleep. I saw an interesting documentary about termite control in Mornington. It made me paranoid that I might have termites.  I suppose I’m a bit of a shut in, I don’t like the company of other and much prefer to spend time on my own than with so called friends. My parents drop off meals once a week, I put them in the freezer and heat them up when I need to eat, which isn’t very often. I don’t cook for myself, I never have, it doesn’t interest me. I eat only when I have to, I find no joy in stuffing my face with food. My mother also picks up my laundry when she drops off the food, some might think I’m taking advantage of my parents but they like doing stuff for me. I used to be married, I used to have a wife, but she left, and I got sad. She probably wanted to get out and see the world rather than stay inside all the time, I can’t blame her. That’s when I stopped doing things for myself. One afternoon I thought I might try my hand at gardening. I don’t like gardening but it’s something different and I get to have some sunshine.

While I was out there I found a tree that looked really weird. I asked my parents to have a look and they said I might have a bug problem. They got in touch with a company that does termite inspections, Melbourne suburbs seems to have a white ant problem. I’m glad they called for me so I didn’t have to use the phone. Apparently I had white ants all over the house, they were in the walls and had collapsed part of the ceiling. The termite control guys would have to get rid of them fast before my house fell down. So long as I didn’t have to lift a finger I was cool with that. Dad told me they had some problems with their home in Brisbane. He had  organised tree lopping Brisbane to come and deal with that weird looking tree. It was huge and I had no idea how they were going to get it down. Once termite guys had left I sat at the window and watched the tree be taken down. It was amazing watching the tree felling, they climbed so high it made me dizzy. I wanted to try this myself, I wanted to do what they did. I wonder if there are places you can go to learn these skills. I was so intrigued by the idea of living with my parents in Brisbane and learning a new skill. I wonder how long it takes to learn how to do stump grinding, Brisbane might even have some apprenticeships in the tree lopping field. I knew that I wanted to be a tree surgeon that day. My parents were thrilled and gave me money to get the qualifications I needed. Will I make it as a tree surgeon?

It’s not wise to consider help from an old flame. Give in to your suggestions, it’s time you considered the future. Money will be coming your way this year.