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Everyone Needs to Jump Online

milk barGoing digital: it’s how you get ahead in today’s world. And ignoring the digital is how you get behind. At least, that’s what I’ve been telling everyone. I was in the local milk bar today, and I got talking to the owner…asked if he had a website for his business. After all, even lemonade stands have their websites nowadays, right? But no, milk bar man has no such thing. Oh man, what a business mistake! How will people find him? By walking by? Ha, everyone drives nowadays anyway.

Naturally, I pointed him to one of the many places in Melbourne that design custom websites. In fact, I even wrote down the link and handed it to him. See, that’s how much I care about local businesses. I really am here to help. Here to help, that’s me. I expect his marvellously designed website will be up and running any day now. And my crusade hasn’t stopped there: I’m taking my business advice to every shop I visit. These places are just going to vanish if they don’t get online and start raking in the digital bucks. How much more profitable will the milk bar guy’s milk bar be if they start taking online orders, maybe even doing deliveries? They could hold a graphic design competition, get their local customers to design a new look for the shop. THAT would bring in the business, and the bucks. A good bit of graphic design from someone who knows what they’re doing.

Sometimes I don’t think people truly appreciate my Samaritan ways. If you really don’t want to know about all my business connections, those places in Melbourne, graphic design being their specialty. That is simply out of this world, I can’t force you. But the digital revolution is here, friends. Get online or vanish! Right?

Memory is the stardust of the human mind. Guard your money, because people might want to steal it. The aura colour of the day is purple with a vague beige tint. – Joanna

My Tech-Savvy Brother

tech savvyThere are some problems that humans just cannot handle. That’s why we have to get mystic advice. Because where else are we going to get it? I’m so right. I’m ALWAYS right. Except, y’know…now.

Anyway, I’ve never been the most computer literate millennial, but now it’s coming back to bite me. I chose a career in administration, all good, doesn’t require an in-depth understanding of web design. Just a bit of Excel, maybe some other, spreadsheet-related stuff. And then what does my brother go and do? Some fancy software development course around Melbourne somewhere. And since my parents are even less tech-savvy than the average people from that generation, he’s basically become a bonafide super genius in their eyes. All he has to do is move the mouse across the screen in a slightly fancy manner and Mum and Dad are practically falling over themselves to praise his skills. They once rang him up to ask how to change to computer background, and they wouldn’t stop talking about it for weeks afterwards. I can do that stuff! I’ve even done a little bit of web design in my time, when our IT guy got stuck in traffic and some hacker defaced our website. Sure, I practically deleted all of our text, but it was better than the site being filled with naughty words. That’s basically web design. Designing our web…to not be filled with profanity.

But no, it’s brother dear who gets all the credit, because he’s actually involving himself with technology and computers and probably a software development course once his is done, because he’s just that smart. Mum and Dad treat me like I’m an amusing pet playing with a ball of wool. Maybe I should just go do an IT course, and then they’d treat me like an equal. Maybe.

The half-crescent full moon is dark in September. Point your life north-east-south for best results. Tea leaf reading may vary, see your GP for more details. – Joanna

That One Accident

antennaI have a secret, one that I can’t let any of my friends and family know because they’ll think I’m crazy. Of course, it’s fine to put it on the internet. The internet always understands, and I’ve heard they’re great at keeping secrets. Yep, what goes on the internet STAYS on the internet, am I right?

So, with that said…I think I have superpowers. Well, they’re not all that super, but…I can hear TV signals. In my brain.

See, back when I lived in Melbourne, digital antennas were my thing. I was pretty good at my job, and known for taking the jobs that others didn’t want to touch. My mother kept saying it would get me in trouble, but I was in the game, in the zone. I was a satellite expert, and I liked it.

That was the day I took a seemingly ordinary job installing an antenna on a rooftop. The heights never bothered me, obviously; nothing did. When the storm clouds rolled in, I just shrugged and kept working. Of course, you can guess what happened next. Yep: lightning flashed, my coworker down below said that Jessica Alba had followed him on Twitter and I rushed over to check if it was true. In my haste, I tripped over a roof tile and down I went, antenna and all. I ended up on the ground, still in contact with the antenna, which was live. Gave me a nasty shock and I had to spend the next six weeks in leg rehab, because my legs were broken. My career doing digital antenna installation in Melbourne was over, especially since my boss had been telling me to be careful. Oh, and now I heard signals in my brain. Right now, I’m mostly getting ‘Neighbours’, and sometimes ‘Home and Away’. But how can I learn to use my powers for good, and possibly crime-fighting?

The Space Jam soundtrack shall grant you serenity. Consume vintage cheese for problems with intestinal movements. Your lucky animal is the uni-kitty.

Game design for the future

Okay so I know that you deal with big problems, Joanna, and for me this is a big problem. I want to get in on the whole ‘digital age’ boom before it goes sour. I think that with my creative ideas and innovative thinking etcetera etcetera that I have a chance to actually make it big in this world. Problem is, I don’t really have an idea. What I mean is, I had this idea. But I don’t really have any ideas about what I want to create. I’m just so lost with it and I don’t want to miss out on this opportunity. So I’m thinking a great way to inspire my creativity would be tgameboy - game designo do a game design course.

It’d be a pretty epic way of meeting young (ish) people like me, while at the same time learning practical game development skills and stuff along those lines. I don’t just want to make something, either, I mean what’s the point of that? I want to make the thing which all the kids are talking about. I want to connect people in an experience like no other and leave my mark on the world. I’m thinking a game design course in Melbourne could make all this come true and more. The thing is, I just don’t know if I want to turn my life around like that.

It’s a huge step to take to risk everything on the chance that I might make it, not the certainty that I probably will make it, if I continue doing what I’m doing. Just plodding away at the course I’m doing at the moment doesn’t really sound all that awful, I definitely enjoy parts of it, but I want that passion. I want to make the change

If you had the chance to change your fate, would you? When the moon is full think positive thoughts and the world will send them back to you. Avoid grey to avoid melancholia this lunar cycle.