Buying for birthdays

anchor winch repair MelbourneI simply haven’t got a clue what to get my husband for his birthday and I was hoping you would be able to help me out in that respect. Your clairvoyant powers are legendary, Joanne, and I was hoping if it would be at all possible for you to communicate with the angels and see what my husband, Pierre Chambreaux, would like for his birthday.

You see, although it may be a petty matter in the greater scheme of things, I simply can’t let his fiftieth birthday go by without putting in a decent amount of effort. I talked to a good friend of ours recently about it, and Bobby told me that Pierre’s been looking for an addition to his boat for quite some time. Perhaps, he suggested, I could upgrade his anchor winch. Melbourne has a number of very high quality marine stores that supply boat add-ons and the like, and I’ve even begun to make a few phone calls and see what they stock and would recommend. Although I realise that any sales person has a vested interest in up-selling me, the nice man I talked to did say that he would be happy to look at the outboard motor repairs in Melbourne if it was necessary.

The problem with all of this is that I simply don’t know. I’m his wife, for crying out loud, but I haven’t got even the faintest clue, really, what he’d want. But I do love him and I want to make sure he knows it on his special day. More than that, though, I don’t want to spend all that money on something he’s only going to use once. I want to get him a present that he can use over and over again. Please, any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Angels speak in more ways than one. – Joanne.

Double Check that Roofing Services

emergency roof repairWhen I checked with the landlord, he confirmed that we definitely had roofing service in our new apartment. Silly me, taking him at his word. Still, most people wouldn’t check to see if they had a roof- they’d just go ahead and assume! How many friends have made the same mistake? It has to be dozens by now. Then they rock up on their very first day of living in a new place to find that the previous tenants have taken the roof, leaving them with nothing.

I was even extra prepared for this eventuality, so I contacted everyone I know in Melbourne who does roof restoration and got them to be on standby. I wasn’t about to get caught out, and sure enough. We got to our apartment to find that there was no roof. The landlord can apologise all he likes, but I still had to be the one to sort it out in the end. Weird thing was, it was a fifth floor apartment in a seven-floor building. The people above us didn’t seem too concerned about not having a floor and being able to look down upon our apartment literally any time they were in their apartment. We had a chat, and it turns out they’ve been there for decades. In the first few years they bolted everything to the wall and just bust out the emergency planking whenever someone moves and rudely takes the roof without telling anyone. Lovely couple- European accent, can’t exactly tell which one.

Anyway, I had my roof restoration experts on the case pretty quickly. It makes me disappointed in the system, however. If a landlord says your electricity will be on, or you’re going to have a roof, or that it comes with a cleaner, they’d better provide. It’s THEIR job to call their own Melbourne emergency roof repair professional. You agree, right?

My crystal ball is clouded with the fog of severe gastro. Please call again later. – Joanne

Stains on our souls

carpet stain removalI am deep believer that in the old ways. Some may call what I do witchcraft, but that is simply their ignorance shining through over their common sense. I’m a practicing Wiccan, that is my religion and who I am at the very centre of my being and that is all there is to it. Passed down through the generations, I understand that herbs, correctly used, can save lives. Burning sage can ward away evil spirits and cleanse the air – these are the types of things my grandmother taught me as a child, but so many of those things have become lost to me over time. So I must seek out them out now, on my own, as an adult.

The problem with this, of course, is my ignorance. I mess up frequently and, sometimes, disastrously. I’m making fewer mistakes now than I was when I first started, but still, there are times when I’m forced to wonder if I’ve even learnt anything at all. Times when I make mistakes like the one I am currently grappling with. This is the real reason for my presence on this site of yours, Joanne, I was wondering whether you had any good contacts for discrete stain removal in Melbourne. It’s not that I’ve killed anyone, no, nothing like that! I don’t need to clean up blood or anything, it’s just a very potent mixture of some particularly distasteful ingredients needed for some charms I’ve been working on. The fool that I am, I spilt the bowl I was working with and got the contents all over my carpet. I’ve tried just about every method I can think of to get the damned stuff out but it won’t lift an inch. So I’m need of some truly expert carpet cleaners in Melbourne who wouldn’t ask too many questions but would be competent enough to do the job. If you could send any names my way that would be much appreciated.

The stains of our mistakes cannot be removed, but blight our conscious forevermore. – Joanne

A Beautiful Bit of Advice

beauty therapy

This is hardly a problem, but I guess I could always use some advice. I just finished school, and it feels good. All my life I’ve wanted to get out of that rat-race where we learn nothing but useless skills. So many ideas and many visits to the careers person later, and I think I have in mind two really great career options. Firstly, both of my parents are businesspeople, and while they haven’t pressured me into it, I think I’ve inherited a bit of that skill. In fact, I’m almost entirely sure I could start my own business and have it do pretty well. So many people think the same thing, so it’s not like I’m running away the idea that I’ll be making millions in a year…but it’s possible, and viable.

And the other is something different. I’ve researched a diploma of beauty therapy in Brisbane, and I think I could also get into something like that. Now, the money isn’t as good, and it’s not like I can jump into owning my own beautician company because it’s really something where you work your way up. But it’s something I’m passionate about, AND I know I have a definite flair for the whole business. One of the most worthwhile parts of school has been taking part in the plays and getting some experience in doing whatever makeup they needed me to do. It was tough sometimes, and I sometimes had to come back late from all kinds of performances and after parties to study, so that I could have a future after I left school. But I did it, I loved it, it was basically a makeup course in itself and now I have a choice to make. Big bucks, or something I enjoy all the time? Business is fun, but it comes with more hardships as you try to make ends meet. An actual beauty therapy course could be a lot more fun. So what to do?

Circle seven times around your local museum, have a margarita and bow before a cactus. The full moon will bring true love! – Joanne

Sensing a catastrophe

sightseeing in MelbourneI simply can’t do this anymore. It’s too heart breaking … I … I have to act. All my life I’ve had this “gift” that feels so much more like a curse. I could see things … well, not see so much as feel things, before they happened. I don’t ‘see the future’, exactly, I just sometimes get really strong sensations, a knowledge that comes from nowhere but that I know is true. It’s difficult to explain. It just comes from nowhere, and all of a sudden I know with perfect certainty that this will happen, as if it has already happened and someone has just told me. Then, whatever it was comes to pass and the feeling is once again confirmed. Most of the time, the events are insignificant, but today … no. I need to act today, otherwise terrible, and through me preventable, things will come to pass. People will be hurt and it will be my fault.

I know that the best sightseeing company in Melbourne is going to experience something big. The only thing is, there are several, really important pieces of information missing from that knowledge that would allow me to alert either the city of Melbourne itself or an agency that could help this disaster be avoided. The first is that I’m not sure exactly what kind of disaster will occur. I know that there will be a fire and that people will be trapped, but I have no idea what will cause the fire, and thus no idea how to notify anyone.  This brings me to the second problem. I’m not sure exactly where in Melbourne this will occur. I’ve spent the past few days looking at Melbourne based tour groups and I can’t for the life of me figure out who to contact. So I’ve decided it’s time to enlist the help of another psychic. Can you help me, Joanne?

Two trees sway in the wind. One falls, but to a man who hears the noise, they are the same. -Joanne.

Bad things come in threes

gas heater

There’s nothing I like more than coming home to a nice toasty warm home after a long day in the winter cold. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but it has been freaking cold recently, so having decent heating in Sydney has become somewhat of a necessity.

Yesterday, I was having a bit of a bad day. I know why, as well. I’d done something rather questionable and the universe was sending out negative energy to teach me a lesson for that misstep. Karma operating at its finest. Anywho, when I didn’t have any money on me and so couldn’t use public transport, I decided it was worth the risk to walk home. It isn’t a long walk, and in summer I’m happy to do it both ways, but with dark storm clouds circling overhead, it was a risk that, in hindsight, I shouldn’t have taken. About five minutes into the twenty minute stroll, the heavens opened and it began to absolutely poor. I’d gone too far for it to be worth my while to turn back, so I soldiered on. Needless to say, I got soaked to the bone.

Upon getting to my apartment, I realised I’d forgotten my key, and was forced to climb a wet and slippery fire escape just to make it home. Skillfully cricking open the window, I slithered into my apartment (slithered sounds as if it was quite graceful, but you can imagine what it actually looked like) and stumbled over to the heater (by that time I could the frostbite creeping into my toes) only to discover it wasn’t working. My gas heating I’d installed when I moved to Sydney was freaking broken. On the day I’d been drenched in a stormy downpour and had had to climb a freaking ladder to get up to my place.

Do you believe bad things come in threes, or am I just cursed?

Three mice, three moons, three dice, three swoons. -Joanne

Laying on the leylines

HLorne accommodationi Joanne, I know it’s been a pretty long time since we spoke, but I was wondering if you would be able to answer a reasonably serious question of mine.

About six months ago, I was diagnosed with a small, non-malignant tumour in the frontal lobe of my brain. To tell the truth, I’m not overly surprised by this. The doctor tried to tell me that some of the potential side effects of the tumour are vivid hallucinations and visions that are tactile as well as visual, but I know it’s more than that. People with their close-minded dismissal of the supernatural often try and explain away the gifts of a medium through “science”, but nothing can explain away my mystical gifts.

After talking to several spiritual and mystical experts, I’ve been lead to believe that one of the ways I can reduce the size of the tumour while keeping my abilities is through receiving treatment on a ley-line. The only problem is, I’m not precisely sure where the ley-lines in Australia are. My preliminary research has lead me to believe that there is one running through Lorne, Victoria. Accommodation in Lorne isn’t hard to find, and from what I’ve seen, I would be able to stay in luxury while receiving treatment for this physical manifestation of my gift. However, I’m not sure I’m correct in my assessment of the geography of Australia. It’s been harder than I ever would have imagined to find sources on this issue, and I could be very off about my assessment. Rather than looking for a hotel in Lorne, I should perhaps be accommodation on the rest of the Great Ocean Road, or maybe even further up the coast. In any case, I feel it’s important to find a location of heightened spirituality to undergo my treatment. Do you have any further knowledge of the ley-lines in Australia? Any help would be greatly appreciated, I don’t want to lose my abilities as a medium …

The ley-lines run not along the edges but through the heart and the mind of a place. – Joanne.

The truth about our green waste

rubbish tip brisbaneI have reached a roadblock. Our family business faces a terrible dilemma. As carpenters we produce a lot of wooden waste. Scraps of material that we do not need get placed in a scrap pile. It is my husband’s duty at the end of each week to dispose of this scrap pile. For years now I have trusted that he has done this in a sustainable and green manner. I accompanied him last week to see what he does with it and to my absolute shock we ended up at the Brisbane landfill. As a carpentry business we pride ourselves on sustainability. I promise our customers that our wood is sourced locally and ethically, causing no wildlife habitat destruction. How can I continue to promote this green image now I know that week after week we contribute to the methane producing, non recyclable, space grabbing gigantic rubbish pile. I confronted my husband about this practice and he told me it was the easiest way and I shouldn’t worry about it. Well, I am worried. I did some research and found an amazing place that takes wood and all green waste and recycles it. The best bit is it is cheaper than the regular tip. Brisbane is finally prioritising sustainability over money! The dilemma lies here – do I promote our new green waste practices and highlight that all these years we have been piling onto landfill or do I simply integrate it subtly into our brochure and hope no one notices. I feel a sense of duty to own up to our previous dirty ways but equally I was unaware of them and would have corrected them far sooner had I known. Ignorance is bliss and all of that.

Take the path of greater honour and you will be rewarded. Light will shine on those who are honest and true. What you don’t know can’t hurt you but what you do know is your greatest tool. – Joanne

Reginald Rogers: supernatural tracker extraordinaire

This is Professor Reginald Rogers, supernatural tracker exSecurity packagingtraordinaire, discoverer of the first three mystic wonders of the world, and three time winner of the Psychic Post’s most daring escape. I’ve recently returned from my latest adventure, trekking through the very heart of the Amazon rainforest to uncover secret wonders of the Hidden Palace, but I need your advice about something. When it comes to exploration and adventure, I know all there is to know, but I’m afraid there’s been a slight hitch getting back into the country.

One of the key parts of being a world famous treasure hunter is finding and bringing back treasure for Australian museums. As a very busy man myself, it’s often hard to find the time to swing by the museums and donate my findings, so let couriers do it for me. However, it’s recently come to my attention that sending one of a kind artefacts all over the city in ordinary courier bags is not, perhaps, the best idea. Seeing as many of these artefacts are objects of immense power that certain governments and religious sects have been trying to get their hands on for centuries, my assistant thought it would be wise if we upgraded our security.

This is the reason I’m writing to you. I was wondering, given your expertise in this area, if you know any different types of security packaging that would be up to the task. They have to be reasonably sturdy and able to protect the most delicate 3rd century Mayan carvings. I know it’s been years, Jo, but I’d really appreciate your help in this matter. If you could just direct me to the person the company you use, that would be great. The fate of the known worlds potentially rests in your hands.

Yours,

Reggie.

A rolling stone has no way of knowing whether the object beneath it is packaged. – Joanne.

The righteous path

RDermal fillers Melbourneecently I’ve been looking at different cosmetic procedures I can potentially undergo, but I really need some spiritual guidance about the whole process. I’ve always been very strict about what I put into my body. When I was a young girl, my mother taught me that what you put in, you get out, and that philosophy has generally done me good all these years. As I grew older, I grew conscious of the terrible strain of meat-eating on our planet and the benefits of veganism, so I’ve followed those paths in life without looking back. But now I’m older and I’m starting to see the effects that living this life have had on my body.

Of course, I don’t struggle with a lot of the issues my friends who have been living a more glutinous life have been faced with. I still work out, I’m in great shape, and I never feel like I’ll need liposuction or any of that sort of treatments, but what I’m really starting to worry about is my skin. I’ve tried several different homeopathic remedies and, as much as I want to, I’m just not seeing results. So I’m thinking it’s time to explore my options and go a bit more left of field than I typically would.

I’ve met with and talked to my doctor about it, and he suggested a couple of interesting options, including getting dermal fillers or a glycolic peel. Melbourne has some of the best medical and dermatology clinics in the world and by having a bit of a look online it turns out that the procedures are relatively non-invasive, but the idea of using chemicals on my skin just seems completely wrong to me. At the same time, though, I feel like I’ve basically run out of options. Maybe getting dermal fillers in Melbourne is a terrible idea, but what other choices do I have? I look in the mirror and hate myself, and I’m just sick of it, but I feel like doing this will change my credibility. How can I advocate living a chemical free life and undergo these treatments at the same time?

Trust in your heart, it will illuminate the righteous path up which you shall ascend. -Joanne